Category Archives: Uncategorized

12Jan/17

Law Of Recognition: Know Your Team

When in a New territory or environment, you’ll do well to look out for 3 kinds of people:

The RECEPTIVE (Friendly) ~ They help you, update you with vital info, have a lot to say but may be unable to balance engaging and time-wasting. They are often sincere but can also be unprofessional. They’ll attempt to bring ‘office’ or location gossip to you. You can learn a lot from their excessive voluntary gist but don’t get entangled in their drama and avoid being factored into their cliques. Some may evolve into life-long friendships and others burn out as quickly as a candle lit in a hurricane when you know them well and discover what they truly want.

The COMBATIVE (Unfriendly) ~ They size you up at first glance and react to your presence usually with body language. They minimize your accomplishments and maximize your shortcomings. They think you are unfair Continue reading

12Jan/17

Helping the Battered Woman

Religion without Social Justice is at best Cold religion and ‘Me-Worship’ ~ Eden Onwuka

……………………………………………………………………. What Can YOU DO to Help a Battered Woman??? ……………………………………………………………………..

I’m inspired to respond to ignorant comments made to an abused victim’s brave story. As we end Domestic Violence (DV) awareness month, here’s ways we can ALL make a difference:

»»Asking a DV victim ‘what did you do? is an insensitive way to help. Asking her to adjust ‘herself’ or do some behavior modification does not address the root cause and places responsibility solely on the victim.

»»Just telling her to ‘run’ sounds great on paper, but doesn’t offer practical immediate help. It doesn’t tell her HOW to go about it if she’s unemployed, without close family or helpers etc. Continue reading

12Jan/17

SHE TOOK THE BEATING…

(In Honor of Domestic Violence Victims)

She took the beating…. They called her strong They called her sensible They called her virtuous They said she didn’t ‘quit’ They said she loved her man They said she took the suture To save her kids future

She took the beating…. She wouldn’t take from her coworker The breaking even criminals don’t get The insult she didn’t take from friends The bruising she didn’t get from the vilest fiends The grafting that left her skin & heart seared The shame she never tolerated from a stranger The lame excuse for his violent anger.

She took the beating…. But it just didn’t stop, she bled to her own death, They gave her a fresh full florist’s wreath And dressed her daintily in a pretty white sheath When the strong-sensible-virtuous-victim died, They all sadly wondered why she had thought her destiny was tied To the pounding hands of an angry guy.

She took the beating….. For what you’d think For fear if she didn’t, you’d let her shrink If she dares to leave Don’t make her stay Should she choose to un-cleave Don’t make her pay. Don’t call her strong ‘cos she took abuse Don’t say she’s a quitter if she left her own ‘hell’ She’ll be fine, her kids’ll be fine if she gets to LIVE Help her, save her now so we don’t get to grieve.

(C)dreden 10.10.16

12Jan/17

“..And She draws a Question Mark When She Smiles…”

(Excerpt from the Poem ‘Widowhood” ©dreden 1995)

In my interaction with Widows, the fear of being forgotten is one of their greatest fears as they are forced to adjust to life alone in the new unpleasant normal.

When the music fades, the Griever’s go home and the funeral is over, they are often left alone to make the tough decisions without consistent psychological and emotional support. They play the dual roles of ‘Mrs Dad’ alongside other cultural roles, often bearing the financial burden of raising their children, alone.

Adopt A Widow A.A.W was initiated to elicit the ‘Aaw’ response from widows as we seek to lovingly support them on their journey.

It is a grassroot initiative geared towards providing specific help tailored to the the specific need of the widow. This help varies based on request from one widow to another.

This is not another touch and go philanthropic project, this is an annual ‘Reach and Grow’ project that runs throughout the year.

Interested ‘Benefactors’ are connected with nominated ‘Receptors’ or ‘Beneficiaries’ within their locale to ‘Adopt’ them. Which in this context is a non-legal for support.

Consider Partnership with us as we continue to empower Women beyond their grief. Raising Hopes and restoring their smiles, one widow at a time.

12Jan/17

THE INCONVENIENCE OF SINGLENESS

We must begin to treat our Single people right. The societal stereotype that we subtly place on unmarried people sometimes ranging from desperados, not enough, not having a choice etc has to STOP.

I have witnessed the near reverential treatment shown to young girls just because they got married, and the parallel condescending dismissive treatment dispensed to some older women/men because they aren’t yet married. That is why a 25 year old married Mary is referred to as ‘Madam’ while a 39 year old unmarried Jane is ‘Jane’ within our cultural context.

Sadly this has seeped into offices, businesses and especially religious bodies. The trumped up labels, the prejudiced call for deliverance, the segregation and polite interrogations of ‘When are you going to call us to celebrate and eat rice?’ specifically directed towards singles. The assumption that singleness is a crime, a consequence warranting contempt is credulous. The typical disintegration of friendships not because the relationship doesn’t fulfill purpose per se, but because a member of the pack got ‘promoted’ to marriage is downright amusing.

Every married person was once unmarried. And even those married may still become single. No one was born married and there are no perpetual guarantees in life. The Single person has a right to live, breathe and thrive in their singleness. No future desire for marriage should hinder a full vibrant present filled with personal development. If they choose to fly, let them. Should they want to build, let them. If property investment is their choice, let them. If they choose to be single, please let them.

Honestly, Society we need to do better. We are better than this. Remove the labels, peel off the stereotypes, unlearn cultural nuances that does not serve kindness & human compassion. And above, let’s commit to stop putting single people on the spot with our suspicions, well wishes, good intentions, systemic ‘spiritual’ declarations and social expectations. Commit to treating them with the Understanding and Dignity their waiting deserves.

I have witnessed both sides of the divide, therefore I cannot pretend to be Uninvolved.

I refuse to define an Individual by their journey when they have a destination. I refuse to relate to people by their status or treat them as mere Statistics.

~©dreden 12.06.16

12Jan/17

THE IMBALANCE OF GIVING

“The world is a lonely place when all we do is Give”- Bovi.

Giving is profound, yet we must take the time, and trust enough to receive. No life thrives singularly on what comes into it or what goes out of it alone. It’s an imbalance in the scale of values to give and give without receiving intermittently.

You deserve to be given, to be forgiven. To be loved, and encouraged. You! Yes, you. The Holy Book encourages us with the Blessedness of Giving, but also reminds us that it shall be given back to us, in fact in an overflow. Proverbs 11:1 says ‘God hates unjust scales’. This is strong reminder that we must commit to achieving balance in our lives.

Rest must even out busyness, purpose must even out relaxation, laughter must even out worry, study must even out ignorance, exercise must even out sedentary lifestyle, sobriety must even out non-chalance. Receiving must also even out Giving, et al

Don’t be the proverbial ‘Dead Sea’ receiving from others and giving nothing back, but more importantly do not be a Faucet or Tap giving, and giving without an avenue to receive. The world does not need anymore casualties who got burnt out because they gave too much and received nothing, or too little.

Please, Commit to living a Life of Balance. Commit to receiving, Commit to YOU!

(c)dreden 08.12.14